Dating Lamentations - A Married Millennial And Boomer Logic

Dating. It’s not what it used to be.

First off, I’ll say I am in my early 60s which means I’m technically a Boomer, but I always identified more as being a Gen Xer.

Either way, I’m not of this current generation in the prime of their dating lives.

However, I have a lot to say on the topic, mostly because I grew up in a time of significant gender role turmoil.

The point I’m making is that my generation was not immune to dating turmoil.

Which is why I want to address what a fellow Substacker wrote while I was perusing my email. I’m keeping his name anonymous because I’m going to be quite critical of his stance and of his generation.

He says this;

“Boomer” dating advice is easy to mock.

In the Boomer imagination, dating is just a matter of “putting yourself out there,” “being a nice guy,” and “believing in yourself.”

In “Boomer-world’, America is just bursting at the seams with opportunity; great jobs are out there provided you give the company’s CEO a firm handshake, and every red-state gas station is occupied by a virginal young Christian girl waiting to be swept off her feet by the next random stranger.

There is no acknowledgment of declining economic prospects or the impact of social media on women’s sexual expectations and experience.

There is no understanding of the institutional barriers faced by many young men. So, more often than not, the recommendations of older people fall flat.”

The Nice Guy Goes “Dry”

Ok, first off, “being a nice guy” has NEVER worked.

This statement often means a man without the guts to voice boundaries. Nobody respects a man like that. Not now. Not ever.

As a man, if you don’t have the capacity to draw a line in the sand and consequences be damned, then it will be hard to find a good woman to share your life with.

It’s the same with work too.

A man who is too “nice” puts himself in the category of irrelevancy.

No one wants to date that man or promote him through the ranks.

Not now. Not ever.

Putting It “Out There” Is Not A Dare

Secondly, if “putting yourself out there” means putting yourself in situations where you may actually, physically meet a woman who a young man would want to begin dating.

That is just good common sense… And that’s all that means.

Put yourself in a situation to physically interact with young attractive women. The kind you’d like to date. That’s just common sense. Not a dumb Boomer thing.

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Belief Is Mandatory

Thirdly, “believing in yourself” is the baseline.

Every man, woman and child needs self belief in order to achieve anything in life. Without this core driving force everything becomes much, much, much more difficult.

I think this is where the real issue lies. Without believing in yourself, how can you build a life that is truly yours? Right?

Believing in who you are means you know yourself and you know you have tremendous worth. The things you offer this world have great value.

You’ve got to CLAIM them first though.

Alas, this is where the rub is. So many human beings, of all generations – especially the younger ones, have no clue who they are.

They’ve had so much interaction with other people’s ideas and thoughts they don’t know what they really think.

They haven’t spent enough time just walking through a field or riding their bikes down pathways in the woods.

Boomers used to do that stuff all the time. It doesn’t make us perfect, but it has helped us to discern what really matters to us. Instead of unconsciously adopting other’s opinions.

Believing in yourself, allows you to discern quickly what’s right for you and what isn’t.

Including, who to date.

And to be fair to this young Substacker who describes himself as a “married Millennial” goes on to say this;

“What young men need is not a new strange exercise routine, or dietary supplements, or investment advice. Rather, it’s some basic wisdom that would stop a lot of these young guys from making the same big strategic errors over and over again.”

I couldn’t AGREE MORE.

Finally…

I’ll say this…

It’s not easy out there as a young person. It was hard enough for the Boomers and Gen Xers to date and to ultimately find love.

Today, the younger ones have to wade through deluded and corrupted souls before they find one that might be fun and safe enough to have a real human relationship with.

Although, to do that, one must wade through their own deluded and corrupted soul first.

So, I suggest that instead of dismissing Boomer advice outright, take it with a grain of salt.

This is a different world we are living in, but Boomers remember the time when it was simpler and less damaged….

And that idea is worthy of respect.

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